The Giko: Prologue posted!!!

Prologue

I'm James Sallisburgh. I'm ten years old. My life WAS perfect. But one night, my life was turned upside down.

Screams. I wake up. I have heard the scream before. My parents. I jump out of my bed, startled by why my parents were screaming. Could it have been a nightmare, no, they both screamed, so it couldn't be a nightmare. The screams die out slowly, fading into the midnight sky. I run out of my room and throw open my parents door. They were sprawled over the floor, blood oozing out of there fatal wounds. It was then i saw it. A beast. It looked like a hybrid. It looked as if it was a quarter-alien, a half-wolf and a quarter-vampire.It gazed at me through its dim eyes. It throws itself at me, knocks me to the ground, and attempts to bite. I roll away, terrified at what I am seeing right before my eyes. I scream and stand up crookedly. I race down the stairs, not daring to look behind me. It isn't following me. I run to the front door and unlock it. I race out, only to find the creature standing outside. Its teeth grow to at least 50 centimeters long. It pounces. I quickly pick up a gun, that happened to be lying on the ground, and pull the trigger. It sends out 7 bullets. The first one hit the beast in the jaw, the second in the guts, the third in the stomach, the forth went nowhere. The fifth hits his heart, the sixth hits his leg. The last slams into the beasts skull, going right through it. The creature falls on the floor. I carefully go up to him and check his heart beat. Nothing. I run out of the gate and into a cafe. I'm now left with no family in the dark, with nothing apart from the sound of danger in my head.

Watch out for chapter 1!!!

Post comments!

I'm bored, so I'll fix some grammar.

I'm James Sallisburgh. I'm ten years old. My life WAS perfect. But one night, my life was turned upside down.

Screams. I wake up. I have heard the scream before. My parents. I jump out of my bed, startled by why my parents were screaming. Could it have been a nightmare? No, they both screamed, so it couldn't be a nightmare. The screams die out slowly, fading into the midnight sky. I run out of my room and throw open my parents' door. They are sprawled over the floor, blood oozing out of there fatal wounds. It is now I see it. A beast. It looks like a hybrid. It looks as if it is a quarter-alien, a half-wolf and a quarter-vampire. It gazes at me through its dim eyes. It throws itself at me, knocks me to the ground, and attempts to bite. I roll away, terrified at what I am seeing right before my eyes. I scream and stand up crookedly. I race down the stairs, not daring to look behind me. It isn't following me. I run to the front door and unlock it. I race out, only to find the creature standing outside. Its teeth grow to at least 50 centimeters long. It pounces. I quickly pick up a gun, that happens to be lying on the ground, and pull the trigger. It sends out 7 bullets. The first one hits the beast in the jaw, the second in the guts, the third in the stomach, the forth goes nowhere. The fifth hits his heart, the sixth hits his leg. The last slams into the beasts skull, going right through it. The creature falls on the floor. I carefully go up to him and check his heart beat. Nothing. I run out of the gate and into a cafe. I'm now left with no family in the dark, with nothing apart from the sund of danger in my head.

Hey what...

Your grammar was practically perfect! OH NOES!

But you had some weird switches of past and present tense, it's hard to remember when you're trying to write in the present tense, for most people are used to writing in the past tense and end up making mistakes.

So good story, much better than your other one. But a bit logically inconistant.

"I quickly pick up a gun, that happens to be lying on the ground, and pull the trigger."

Wut?

And you say he goes through the gate and runs through the cafe, which I find a bit vague. Good anyhow. Keep writing!

Nice Story. Its stolen.
On www.the-random-universe.forummotion.com, someone else has written this. Good Story though.

X-Files Lover wrote:Nice Story. Its stolen.
On www.the-random-universe.forummotion.com, someone else has written this. Good Story though.

Uh... Actually, can u read the thing on the-random-universe.com... It says "give credit to squidward568 for making this..." That was my cousin sayin it, so i asked him to put it on forumotion... i made it...

mariosuperlative wrote:I'm bored, so I'll fix some grammar.

I'm James Sallisburgh. I'm ten years old. My life WAS perfect. But one night, my life was turned upside down.

Screams. I wake up. I have heard the scream before. My parents. I jump out of my bed, startled by why my parents were screaming. Could it have been a nightmare? No, they both screamed, so it couldn't be a nightmare. The screams die out slowly, fading into the midnight sky. I run out of my room and throw open my parents' door. They are sprawled over the floor, blood oozing out of there fatal wounds. It is now I see it. A beast. It looks like a hybrid. It looks as if it is a quarter-alien, a half-wolf and a quarter-vampire. It gazes at me through its dim eyes. It throws itself at me, knocks me to the ground, and attempts to bite. I roll away, terrified at what I am seeing right before my eyes. I scream and stand up crookedly. I race down the stairs, not daring to look behind me. It isn't following me. I run to the front door and unlock it. I race out, only to find the creature standing outside. Its teeth grow to at least 50 centimeters long. It pounces. I quickly pick up a gun, that happens to be lying on the ground, and pull the trigger. It sends out 7 bullets. The first one hits the beast in the jaw, the second in the guts, the third in the stomach, the forth goes nowhere. The fifth hits his heart, the sixth hits his leg. The last slams into the beasts skull, going right through it. The creature falls on the floor. I carefully go up to him and check his heart beat. Nothing. I run out of the gate and into a cafe. I'm now left with no family in the dark, with nothing apart from the sund of danger in my head.

Hey what...

Your grammar was practically perfect! OH NOES!

But you had some weird switches of past and present tense, it's hard to remember when you're trying to write in the present tense, for most people are used to writing in the past tense and end up making mistakes.

So good story, much better than your other one. But a bit logically inconistant.

"I quickly pick up a gun, that happens to be lying on the ground, and pull the trigger."

Wut?

And you say he goes through the gate and runs through the cafe, which I find a bit vague. Good anyhow. Keep writing!

Thank you!!! This time you didn't tell me my grammar was rubbish and that my whole story isn't rubbish!!! Thank you!1 It's a once in a lifetime chance to be told that someones story was good by Mario!!! Thanks again, Mario.

squid.

Squidward568 wrote:

X-Files Lover wrote:Nice Story. Its stolen.
On www.the-random-universe.forummotion.com, someone else has written this. Good Story though.

Uh... Actually, can u read the thing on the-random-universe.com... It says "give credit to squidward568 for making this..." That was my cousin sayin it, so i asked him to put it on forumotion... i made it...

Oh, im sorry, i didnt know.

*interrogates squid's cousin*
yep, he's right

Squidward568 wrote:

mariosuperlative wrote:I'm bored, so I'll fix some grammar.

I'm James Sallisburgh. I'm ten years old. My life WAS perfect. But one night, my life was turned upside down.

Screams. I wake up. I have heard the scream before. My parents. I jump out of my bed, startled by why my parents were screaming. Could it have been a nightmare? No, they both screamed, so it couldn't be a nightmare. The screams die out slowly, fading into the midnight sky. I run out of my room and throw open my parents' door. They are sprawled over the floor, blood oozing out of there fatal wounds. It is now I see it. A beast. It looks like a hybrid. It looks as if it is a quarter-alien, a half-wolf and a quarter-vampire. It gazes at me through its dim eyes. It throws itself at me, knocks me to the ground, and attempts to bite. I roll away, terrified at what I am seeing right before my eyes. I scream and stand up crookedly. I race down the stairs, not daring to look behind me. It isn't following me. I run to the front door and unlock it. I race out, only to find the creature standing outside. Its teeth grow to at least 50 centimeters long. It pounces. I quickly pick up a gun, that happens to be lying on the ground, and pull the trigger. It sends out 7 bullets. The first one hits the beast in the jaw, the second in the guts, the third in the stomach, the forth goes nowhere. The fifth hits his heart, the sixth hits his leg. The last slams into the beasts skull, going right through it. The creature falls on the floor. I carefully go up to him and check his heart beat. Nothing. I run out of the gate and into a cafe. I'm now left with no family in the dark, with nothing apart from the sund of danger in my head.

Hey what...

Your grammar was practically perfect! OH NOES!

But you had some weird switches of past and present tense, it's hard to remember when you're trying to write in the present tense, for most people are used to writing in the past tense and end up making mistakes.

So good story, much better than your other one. But a bit logically inconistant.

"I quickly pick up a gun, that happens to be lying on the ground, and pull the trigger."

Wut?

And you say he goes through the gate and runs through the cafe, which I find a bit vague. Good anyhow. Keep writing!

Thank you!!! This time you didn't tell me my grammar was rubbish and that my whole story isn't rubbish!!! Thank you!1 It's a once in a lifetime chance to be told that someones story was good by Mario!!! Thanks again, Mario.

Man, you are crazy.